I’ve never been top of the class, academically, sport, or otherwise, always Mr Average. I’m not complaining though as frequently others have that skill and drive that I don’t. Whether it be 16 year old Tom Daly who has just won 2 Gold’s at the Commonwealth Games on top of superb GCSE results during the summer, or somebody who has a particular skill or passion such as Rachel Carter and her creative writing, or the self confidence and quickness of mind that means they can light up a room when they walk in like my larger than life mate Hummers. Although I will never have that level of skill or confidence, it doesn’t stop me from admiring them and others.
Its my own fault though as despite my dreams, I don’t have the self discipline to work hard on one particular skill. Instead I like to experience a wide range of activities, challenging myself to improve and I get a lot of happiness and self fulfillment from doing so. Variety is the spice of life after all.
One area that does frustrate me though and would be something I wish I could improve is my self-confidence. Whether it’s in or out of work, I frequently get walked over by those stronger than I, or those who wish to exploit my weaknesses and I feel frustrated when I can’t retort with that killer one liner. I also like to think I’m a nice guy and thoughtful towards others feelings although my lack in self confidence means I don’t always come over like that, especially when I am forced to think on my feet, a skill I severely lack in. I’m also not good if I spot somebody in the street who I don’t know that well, rather than say hello, I’ll think they probably won’t remember who I am and will sneak by to avoid the embarrassment. Silly really. I don’t have a malicious bone in my body but I know I frequently give others the impression I am being rude or I simply don’t care such as in the above cases. That is certainly not the case, I’m just shy or frightened of saying the wrong thing.
So I can look back, especially over recent times, and wish I could right many wrongs that I have unintentionally caused through my own inadequacies. Nobody else’s fault but mine. I don’t mean it intentionally, I was doing what I felt was right at the time and I know, with the benefit of hindsight, that I could of handled things better.